Nursing my over-tired todder during a trip to the San Diego Zoo
Welcome to the April Carnival of Breastfeeding on the topic of Extended Breastfeeding! There are many other great bloggers participating, so take a moment to check out the links the end of this post. Thanks for reading!
When I was struggling to breastfeed my newborn son, a friend offered me some encouragement to remind me breastfeeding would be worth the initial effort. She told me her favorite thing about breastfeeding didn’t surface until toddlerhood: the ability to calm, comfort, and redirect a child through breastfeeding. “No matter how upset they are, they just melt in your arms,” she told me.
It’s true. My family watched it happen as I breastfed my son into toddlerhood and my mother started referring to breastfeeding as “setting the reset button.” Our second year of breastfeeding must have dried a million tears from bumps on the head, scrapes, overstimulation, frightening near-falls, bad days, frustration, airplane ears, and head colds. I didn’t breastfeed every single time he cried, nor did he expect this. But often he just needed a little re-centering to transform his mood, and breastfeeding was just the right remedy.
It wasn’t about the milk. It was about me, and the comfort nursing offered. Breastfeeding toddlers develop a strong sense of security. Mother’s breast is a place they return to time and again, a place they have known since birth, offering warmth, routine, comfort, security, and mother’s loving attention. Breastfeeding gives an upset child something external to focus on, to collect themselves and calm that hiccuping, gasping stage when they’re almost ready to let go of their tears. For a small child who has so little control over anything in the world, breastfeeding is something that the child can control, adjusting the pace and flow with rhythmic suckling.
After two years of breastfeeding, I have a healthy, well-adjusted, active little boy on my hands, bursting with independence. There was so much that I loved about breastfeeding into toddlerhood, but the best thing was how it soothed my child’s fears, pain, and fatigue and made us both happy, over and over again.
I have yet to discover a parenting technique that works quite the same. Breastfeeding was mothering magic.
Did anyone else discover magical mothering powers through breastfeeding your toddler? What is the best thing for you about extended breastfeeding?
Mamapoeki from Authentic Parenting: Extended Breastfeeding?
Mama Alvina of Ahava & Amara Life Foundation: Breastfeeding Journey Continues
Elita @ Blacktating: The Last Time That Never Was
Diana Cassar-Uhl, IBCLC: Old enough to ask for it
Karianna @ Caffeinated Catholic Mama: A Song for Mama’s Milk
Judy @ Mommy News Blog: My Favorite Moments
Tamara Reese @ Please Send Parenting Books: Extended Breastfeeding
Jenny @ Chronicles of a Nursing Mom: The Highs and Lows of Nursing a Toddler
Christina @ MFOM: Natural-Term Breastfeeding
Rebekah @ Momma’s Angel: My Sleep Breakthrough
Suzi @ Attachedattheboob: Why I love nursing a toddler
Claire @ The Adventures of Lactating Girl: My Hopes for Tandem Nursing
Elisa @ blissfulE: counter cultural: extended breastfeeding
Momma Jorje: Extended Breastfeeding, So Far!
Stephanie Precourt from Adventures in Babywearing: “Continued Breastfeeding”: straight from the mouths of babes
The Accidental Natural Mama: Nurse on, Mama
Sarah @ Reproductive Rites: Gratitude for extended breastfeeding
Nikki @ On Becoming Mommy: The Little Things
Dr. Sarah @ Good Enough Mum: Breastfeeding for longer than a year: myths, facts and what the research really shows
Amy @ WIC City: (Extended) Breastfeeding as Mothering
The Artsy Mama: Why Nurse a Toddler?
TopHat @ the bee in your bonnet: From the Mouths of Babes
Beth @ Bethstedman.com: Extended Breastfeeding: To Wean Or Not To Wean
Callista @ Callista’s Ramblings: Pressure To Stop Breastfeeding
Amanda @ Postilius: Nursing My Toddler Keeps My Baby Close
Sheryl @ Little Snowflakes: Tandem Nursing- The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
Zoie @ Touchstone Z: Breastfeeding Flavors
Lauren @ Hobo Mama: Same old, same old: Extended breastfeeding
Tanya @ Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog: Six misconceptions about extended breastfeeding
Jona (Breastfeedingtwins.org): Breastfeeding older twins
Motherlove Herbal Company: Five reasons to love nursing a toddler
I have heard that the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for 2 years, so I am all in favor of that. I breastfed my baby for 2 years also. Moms who might worry that it might be hard to wean after that long, shouldn’t worry…it was easy, because at age 2, toddlers become less interested in nursing because they are so busy exploring the world.
“Infant Led Weaning” is the most natural, and best. You are right about the emotional help that nursing gives to toddlers. It is easy to calm a crying child this way.
Great post; thank you for putting into words the wonders of breastfeeding a toddler!
My experience: My (then) 3 year old son would check in with me frequently and want to have a quick nursing. I didn’t always go along with it if I was in the middle of something, but then he got smarter and he would come up with some cute excuses in order to get me to agree. If he happened to fall or hurt himself he would run up to me and say “milk make it feel better”. How could I refuse after that???
He’s 11 years old now, and I miss those times of snuggling and nursing and comforting and loving…but you know what? It’s in his memory because he still comes to me when he needs reassurance.
I wouldn’t trade a minute of those breastfeeding moments for anything in the world.
I’m “triplex nursing” or tandem nursing three children (4-year-old, 3-year-old, and a 19-month-old). I love the closeness they have, which is partly due to being close in age, and also, I think, partly due to sharing the nursing bond. No newborn jealousy!
Breastfeeding really is mothering magic! I’ve also found it can soothe and heal any number of issues and illnesses. I love this, “It wasn’t about the milk. It was about me, and the comfort nursing offered.” And I also think this is what freaks a lot of people out about breastfeeding beyond infancy in the US. People seem very concerned that independence must be learned early. There’s this mistaken idea that breastfeeding creates dependence and it has turned into a fear. I’ve found, like you mention, that having this safe haven to come back to allows them to venture further.
Thanks for sharing your story! My son is almost a year now, and your post caused me to reflect back on how much our nursing relationship has changed and grown over the past 12 months. It has definitely become more than just nutrition for him–mothering magic indeed! I intend to continue until he weans himself, I’m sure it will get more and more magical over time! Thank you for the reminder!