“You’re STILL breastfeeding!?”

A couple months ago, I worked in a different location with coworkers I don’t know well, and a woman saw me carrying my freshly pumped milk to the employee kitchen to refrigerate.

“How old is your baby?” she asked.

“Thirteen months,” I responded with a smile.

“Oh!”, she exclaimed. “And you’re still breastfeeding?”

“Mmm hmm,” still smiling, waiting to see where this was going to go.

“Why?”

“Well, because it’s still healthy for him and we both like it. The experts recommend breastfeeding for at least a year, so that’s what I’m doing.” (Of course, you know I have many more reasons, and I am breastfeeding well over 1 year, but I wanted to keep it simple and friendly)

“Yeah, but once you get to a certain age. . .’  she left her sentence unfinished as she shook her head disapprovingly. ‘I breastfed for 3 months and then we were done.” And then my coworker joined us and changed the subject.

I didn’t want to push the issue, but I was thinking, “Once you get to a certain age, what?” Do you think I am wasting my time because breast milk is no longer a healthful food? I’m spoiling my child by giving him something comforting that you associate with newborns and young infants? I’m sexually traumatizing him by exposing him to my breast and letting him suck on it? Inhibiting his independence by providing something that he can only get from me, his mother?

This woman’s reaction is nothing new. I’ve heard all those objections to “extended breastfeeding” before, in various forms. (in case you are wondering, all are unfounded: studies have shown there are no negative effects on the breastfeeding child’s development.) The mothers-to-be in my prenatal breastfeeding classes often express surprise, disgust, and amusement when I suggest the health benefits of breastfeeding for a year or more. This has led to comments about how inappropriate it is to nurse a child who can walk, talk, and ask for the breast.

In a previous post, I listed some of the good reasons to breastfeed longer than a year, and why my baby and I are not weaning yet. We continue to reap great health benefits from it. I know it’s best to keep breastfeeding, so why do I end up feeling defensive when questioned about it? And why is our society so disapproving of such a good thing? Even though I am surrounded by breastfeeding advocates and fellow breastfeeding mothers, I am constantly reminded that our society thinks we’re a little weird.

So what’s “normal” for breastfeeding and weaning? Many of the things that we take for granted as “normal” in our lives to us are rooted in our local culture, and not universal human norms. Here are a few reasons why breastfeeding beyond babyhood is perfectly normal.

Most human cultures breastfeed way longer than we do

The worldwide average duration of breastfeeding is far longer than our norms in the U.S. Less than 25% of babies in the US are breastfed until one year; less than 10% are breastfed to 18 months. In comparison, in developing countries, over 50% of children aged 20-23 months are still breastfeeding. During the months I spent in Central America, I saw mothers everywhere nursing their babies, toddlers, and preschool-aged children, and it was so normal, nobody even seemed to notice.

All the other mammals breastfeed their offspring longer

. . .based on weaning age in relation to key developmental milestones, that is. Several years ago, I had the privilege of hearing Katherine Dettwyler, PhD, speak at a seminar. Her research, from a biological and anthropological perspective, concludes that the natural biological weaning age of human children is 2 .5 – 6 years. A short summary is found here. Her comparisons of human milestones to those of other mammals in relation to weaning age is fascinating, and it makes sense.

Extended breastfeeding is more common than most people think

There are a lot of “closet nursers” out there. I’ve known many moms who breastfeed far longer than a year, but who limit it to home and don’t talk about it in public simply because of the negativity they have been met with. A common piece of advice to mothers is to teach the child a “code word” for breastfeeding, so that the child doesn’t blurt out “Boobie, Mommy!!” while in line at the grocery store.

Breastfeeding beyond the first year (or whatever length of time) may not be for everyone, and I don’t think we need to convert all mothers into extended breastfeeders. But I bet more moms would discover how much they enjoy nursing during toddler years if they gave it a chance, if they didn’t feel pressure from family, coworkers, and society to wean at a certain age.  And I hope for a society that can learn to accept and support mothers who continue to breastfeed without questioning her parenting abilities.