Comments on: Newborns, nursing, and hospital(ity)

By: Catherine W

Catherine W — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 02:53:27 +0000

Hello Christina,
I speak from the relatives point of view – I wish I could have and would have stayed away (I didn’t and it did interfere!!) But I felt I should be there to help with emotional support – would my son have felt that we did not care? And I really did want to know that the delivery progressed smoothly. But then after delivery my son (the new dad) and new mom did not get “alone” time with their beautiful baby. Baby and mom had the briefest chance to nurse. Baby did spend a few minutes at the breast however latch was not achieved. I am sure the relatives were a big part of the reason. Now mom needs to pump, finger feed expressed colosturm, do lots of skin-to-skin, and practice each feeding with baby to get nursing off to decent start. This was the first grandchild for both sides – however that is not a good enough reason! I knew better! But the selfish part of me won over the sensible LC part of me. My efforts to be there and be helpful were in reality NOT helpful. Hope I learn this lesson and provide support by prayers and phone calls until new parents beg me to come for a visit.
Older and maybe wiser!!

By: Janna

Janna — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 16:02:02 +0000

i was at my nephew’s home birth a week and a half ago or so. it was an amazing experience for all of us there–seems to make so much sense to do it that way. the midwives were so capable, and it seemed so comfortable (if you can call labor and giving birth comfortable…) for my sister, who could pace around her own house, lay on her own couch holding her brand new baby, crawl into her own bed afterwards, have people come to her when she was ready instead of having to pack up to go to the hospital and come home later. plus, it was a lot cheaper than a hospital birth…don’t know if that would be true in the states or not.

By: Melodie

Melodie — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 22:07:44 +0000

I so agree. I was in the hospital for my first birth. I hadn’t slept for three days leading up to my cesarean and then nurses were coming in and out and people were showing up to say hi and all I wanted to do was SLEEP and be with my baby. In fact I wanted to sleep so bad that I actually did send my baby to the nursery. It’s something I would never consider doing again but after the drugs from the Cesarean and the major lack of sleep I was a wreck. If I had known then what I know now, I would have not let anyone come to visit and I would have kept my baby in the room with me.

By: Spiderwart

Spiderwart — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 03:35:24 +0000

I had a hospital birth with my son and didn’t have too many visitors. I actually expected to have a lot more visitors and wondered why some people didn’t come. In hind sight though I am glad that they let us have our space. There was one time though that my uncle and his wife and four kids all came to visit and stayed for what seemed like a long time. My son was already starting to fuss because he was hungry when they got there, but being a new mom I didn’t realize how much harder it would be to get him to latch if I put him off, and I also didn’t think they would stay as long as they did. By the time they left he was really upset and we had a terrible time getting him to latch, so I wish someone would have told me to make visitors wait until after a feeding if the baby was giving any hunger cues at all, rather than letting them visit first.

Since then I became a nurse on an OB unit and I make sure to tell my patients, especially new mom’s, that baby’s needs come first, especially when it comes to eating, and that if they ignore the early hunger cues the baby will make them pay for it later because an angry hungry baby is much harder to get latched on properly. I think if someone would have told me that I would have felt more confident in turning people away or cutting a visit short.

By: Christina

Christina — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:40:42 +0000

Wow, thanks for sharing Angie. Glad it didn’t interfere with breastfeeding, but the experiences sound really stressful.

By: Christina

Christina — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:37:56 +0000

Dad, thanks so much for being there. It meant so much for me to know that you were around even when you weren’t in the room with us.

By: Christina

Christina — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:32:24 +0000

Lauren: thanks! do you have a link to your post?

By: Christina

Christina — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:31:43 +0000

Nicole and Jenny, your responses, after reflecting on my own experience, make me want to have a home birth next time!

Angie and Casey, I found it interesting that you both were more ready for visitors with your second baby. I guess it’s true that not only every mom is different, but even each birth experience leads to different needs for a mom.

All Grown Up: Thanks for pointing out that it can be VERY helpful to have visitors when they are coming to help out with an older child or to bring food for you! I definitely don’t want to discourage anyone from offering, or receiving this kind of help. Friends dropping off meals for us was a lifesaver in the early days.

By: Angie Yeh

Angie Yeh — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:03:56 +0000

When my daugther was born in 2006, I had a c-section so was in the hospital for a few days. My dad and mother in law visited, but since both were from far away, we felt like we couldn’t kick them out. I remember being so tired but feeling like it was rude to sleep…how silly I was!! As far as nursing goes, I’ve never been shy about it. I would just do what needed to be done and my dad and MIL would leave or at least turn away…but I never compromised breastfeeding because of their presence. With my son who was born in March, I had a VBAC, and the plan was to have no visitors for one day….well, my husband convinced me to have my MIL come and our babysitter since she was doing us a favor by watching my daughter. Big mistake. I still regret not sticking to my guns. I felt HORRIBLE as this was only 5 hours after delivery (my VBAC was way worse than my csection). Not only did I have to play hostess, but my husband, daughter and I had not really had the chance to bond with Carter and here we had to pass him around. My sitter only stayed a few minutes, but MIL was a different story. Carter was having a hard time latching on, and my daugher was acting out because things were different, and I was hurting, and my MIL was in the mix of it all. If I could do it all over again…no visitors the first day. Now, after saying all that, come the second day, I was bored and wanted company while my husband was home with my daughter But definitely not the first day. Sorry to type so much, but if feels good to get it all out

By: Jenny

Jenny — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 05:38:42 +0000

I agree, visitors do complicate things, and not just for breastfeeding. It is so hard to try and play hostess when you should be resting. For my first daughter’s (hospital) birth, I found I barely had time to eat because even if the baby was asleep when my meal came, someone would come by for a visit. I was so happy to see them, but I should’ve asked them to come to the house later on. I worked in the hospital, though, so several of them were my coworkers who were already in the building.

For my second daughter’s homebirth, things were easier. I think people are a little more reluctant to pop by someone’s house for some reason. Also, meals came whenever I wanted them and I felt a lot more comfortable greeting guests. I also didn’t have the nurses to contend with. It’s not that nurses aren’t helpful; it’s just hard to get any rest with all their checking in and stuff.